[It is such a difficult line that he walks with her. At his core, he cannot bring himself to agree with her standpoint, given all that he has experienced. Yet at the same time, he cannot fault her for it either. He is all too aware of the discrepancy between them: he a man who has only ever lost someone to the natural cycle of life; she, a woman who has watched demons rip everything she has ever cared for away.
And yes, he knows himself to be in that number too.
But he cannot focus on that right now. He hears that cough and doubles his pace. Though he knows everyone here to be capable, it will be by his hands that she is carried to a bed. He kneels down to deposit her properly, then swiftly turns to offer a hand to help her lay down.
He doesn't know if she will accept it. Maybe he does not deserve it. But despite this difference, he does still care.
Gods, he never thought he'd see her again. And now for her to be like this, angry and wounded, still dancing dangerously close to death. His hands shake as he reaches for something, anything to try and clear the blood away.
He shouldn't linger. The healers need room to work. But the idea of leaving things like this, hovering in a place of frustration and grief — that terrifies him. Especially if this moment is only fleeting, if she might just as easily disappear before the dawn.]
Please. Know that I do not ask what I do out of defiance of your own wishes, your own views.
( she can't let go of her hate and anger. she just can't. nezuko was a good child, a miracle of circumstance that cannot be repeated. akaza has killed hundreds if not thousands over centuries, one of whom the man she had been considering a future with.
how foolish of her.
the haze of everything blurs together. the familiar scent of medicines and antiseptics burns, but it soothes a part of her on some level; it feels like home. the bed he finds calls to her like a siren song.
she stares at the extended hand and it feels like a slap in the face, almost. and yet... all she's wanted on the hardest days was to hold that hand. and now... ... it may be the final positive contact they have, if he sides with his own killer so blatantly. after great hesitation, she accepts the help. )
... You ask too much of me.
( is all she can say- she can't even look at him. )
[Some part of him does wish that he could be free of the wretched sense of honor that holds him back. If he could just explain that it was not about the demon, or at least not that particular demon, perhaps she would loathe him less. But his jaw remains firmly clenched, the truth locked behind iron.
Silently, he dabs at some of the stray blood around her mouth. It is a terrible sight, to see her brought so low. Knowing that he had made it worse settles like lead within his gut. He should have handled this better, that much is clear.
Still, he hears those words and hangs his head. He does not deny it. That would only add to their troubles.]
You are right. I have. [Trying to change the subject would seem like trying to avoid responsibility. But still, there must be some sort of salve to be offered.]
Much as I might hate to see you in this place, in this state... I have missed you. That should have been the first thing I said.
( her voice is soft and painfully quiet. eyes dull with exhaustion finally meet his own, and she can't help but think, how dare you! as he still frets and tends to her while the healers bustle to start her care.
he'll have to go soon. it might be for the best. she's so tired and her heart aches. fear and fury from the battle still echo in her bloodstream and she can't dare to think of the past when he's saying things like accepting his murderer.
there's a soft hitch in her breath. )
... Why couldn't it have been that?
( she immediately regrets asking, though- shinobu turns away and draws in onto herself. )
... I must be getting delirious, I'm sorry. Silly me. You'd think I'd be more practiced with this sort of thing.
[Regret clangs heavily within his soul. Even as he works, his shoulders droop, and his head bows all the more. She is right to say it, all of it, but it still cuts at him all the same. It had been instinctive, just a few moments ago. Business. Duty. Debrief, just as they would have as Hashira.
But they weren't just that. And that has always been his greatest struggle — divorcing duty and honor from more delicate matters. The fact that he had even fallen in with a demon to begin with, given that issue, said a great deal.
Even if that's the worst possible thing right now.
He does not argue, when Shinobu turns away from him. He does not flinch declares it time for him to leave. He can tell that he's in the way, and this, too, is duty. Though it had only just landed him in this situation, he falls back on this nonetheless.]
Perhaps so. [He takes a step back, then looks to the healers at her side. He trusts them both implicitly, and so he will leave them to this. He has... other matters to deal with as well, doesn't he?
He takes a step back, then quickly turns and leaves the clinic. If he risks a glance back, he know he will hesitate. He has been given orders, though, and should not deviate.]
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And yes, he knows himself to be in that number too.
But he cannot focus on that right now. He hears that cough and doubles his pace. Though he knows everyone here to be capable, it will be by his hands that she is carried to a bed. He kneels down to deposit her properly, then swiftly turns to offer a hand to help her lay down.
He doesn't know if she will accept it. Maybe he does not deserve it. But despite this difference, he does still care.
Gods, he never thought he'd see her again. And now for her to be like this, angry and wounded, still dancing dangerously close to death. His hands shake as he reaches for something, anything to try and clear the blood away.
He shouldn't linger. The healers need room to work. But the idea of leaving things like this, hovering in a place of frustration and grief — that terrifies him. Especially if this moment is only fleeting, if she might just as easily disappear before the dawn.]
Please. Know that I do not ask what I do out of defiance of your own wishes, your own views.
no subject
how foolish of her.
the haze of everything blurs together. the familiar scent of medicines and antiseptics burns, but it soothes a part of her on some level; it feels like home. the bed he finds calls to her like a siren song.
she stares at the extended hand and it feels like a slap in the face, almost. and yet... all she's wanted on the hardest days was to hold that hand. and now... ... it may be the final positive contact they have, if he sides with his own killer so blatantly. after great hesitation, she accepts the help. )
... You ask too much of me.
( is all she can say- she can't even look at him. )
no subject
Silently, he dabs at some of the stray blood around her mouth. It is a terrible sight, to see her brought so low. Knowing that he had made it worse settles like lead within his gut. He should have handled this better, that much is clear.
Still, he hears those words and hangs his head. He does not deny it. That would only add to their troubles.]
You are right. I have. [Trying to change the subject would seem like trying to avoid responsibility. But still, there must be some sort of salve to be offered.]
Much as I might hate to see you in this place, in this state... I have missed you. That should have been the first thing I said.
no subject
( her voice is soft and painfully quiet. eyes dull with exhaustion finally meet his own, and she can't help but think, how dare you! as he still frets and tends to her while the healers bustle to start her care.
he'll have to go soon. it might be for the best. she's so tired and her heart aches. fear and fury from the battle still echo in her bloodstream and she can't dare to think of the past when he's saying things like accepting his murderer.
there's a soft hitch in her breath. )
... Why couldn't it have been that?
( she immediately regrets asking, though- shinobu turns away and draws in onto herself. )
... I must be getting delirious, I'm sorry. Silly me. You'd think I'd be more practiced with this sort of thing.
Perhaps its time for visiting hours to close.
no subject
But they weren't just that. And that has always been his greatest struggle — divorcing duty and honor from more delicate matters. The fact that he had even fallen in with a demon to begin with, given that issue, said a great deal.
Even if that's the worst possible thing right now.
He does not argue, when Shinobu turns away from him. He does not flinch declares it time for him to leave. He can tell that he's in the way, and this, too, is duty. Though it had only just landed him in this situation, he falls back on this nonetheless.]
Perhaps so. [He takes a step back, then looks to the healers at her side. He trusts them both implicitly, and so he will leave them to this. He has... other matters to deal with as well, doesn't he?
He takes a step back, then quickly turns and leaves the clinic. If he risks a glance back, he know he will hesitate. He has been given orders, though, and should not deviate.]